12 Days of Cookies( + Almond Cherry Bars )

There really aren't any words to fully describe the level of my appreciation for the cherry-almond flavor combination.  

A thesaurusful of superlatives wouldn't do it justice.

Bear Essentials: Rhubarb ( + Pork Tenderloin with Spiced Rhubarb Chutney )

I want to tell you about this amazing pork tenderloin, but all I can think about is the word chutney.  Chutney.  Chuuuut-ney.  I'm repelled by it in a weird way that's kind of an obsession.  Chutneychutneychutneychutney.  It's like the sound a rollercoaster makes as it reaches the top of the first hill.  It's like the sound chickens make.

It's like the sound of chickens riding a rollercoaster.

Just live with that thought for a minute.

Bear Essentials: Mitten Noms - Michigan Classics(+ Black Forest Fudge)

Michigan has 3126 miles of shoreline, and about twice that many fudge shops.  Which is lucky, because when I'm baking on the sun-soaked beach, what I crave most is a trip to a steaming candy kitchen and a brick of chocolate the size of a smallish possum. 

12 Days of Cookies: Day the Eighth(Chocolate Cherry Coconut Macaroons)

There's nothing better than a macaroon. 

Obviously, that statement is a date-based opinion.  Tomorrow I might be telling you that there's nothing better than pulled pork.  Or a cruller.  Or banana quesadillas [trust me: it's a thing].

Dear Greek Yogurt:(+ Figs & Dried Cherries in Vanilla-Honey Syrup over Yogurt)

Dear Greek Yogurt: I don't know what kind of game you're playing, but you're not fooling anyone.  Well, actually, you appear to be fooling everyone.  But not me.  Do you know how many years it took me to get to the point where I could choke down regular yogurt?  Like, twelve.  Other members of the white-and-creamy family?  Not so lucky.  Cottage cheese will never grace this table.  And Fred?  We do not even speak its name.  But here you come, sashaying in, glooping it up like the King of Creamytown.  Ick.

I Apologize for Your Lack of Ice Cream (+ Cherry Stracciatella Ice Cream)

They say that animals can tell when a really hard winter is coming.  Squirrels hoard acorns.  Chipmunks gather seeds.  Beavers store away…you know, whatever it is that beavers eat. 

We must have one doozy of a winter coming, because I’ve been stockpiling ice cream.

This week, while searching for a particularly elusive package of bacon, I discovered that my two freezers, combined, contain 6 pints of superpremium ice cream, four half-gallons of mediumpremium ice cream, about a quart’s worth of various homemade ice cream concoctions, and one sad quart of rainbow sherbet, about which Mr. Bear has been heard to say “All the flavors are good, but I like green the best.”  The fact that my husband thinks “green” is a flavor is so upsetting that we’re just going to move on until I can figure out how to discuss it calmly.

For those of you who are mathematically challenged (and don’t think that I didn’t have to resort to Google Measurements for this myself), that’s 26 pints of ice cream.

That’s approximately 26 POUNDS of ice cream.

That’s three babies worth of ice cream.

In the time it took you to read this, I probably ate your baby and those of both your neighbors.  Assuming they’re roughly newborn and made of ice cream, of course.  Don’t take it personally.  You just happen to make delicious offspring.  Really, you should be proud of yourself.  You could go into business.

Three Things We’re Going to Fix Today [Participation Mandatory] (+ Pickled Ninja Cherries)

It’s been a rough couple of weeks at Chez Bear, with a pile of disappointments of the “As it turns out, that dream of yours will definitely not be coming true” variety.  There was some numb household puttering, then some mopey under-covers hibernation, and finally some dull-eyed marathon TV-staring.  Now we’re regrouping.

The hardest bit was dealing with the fact that some of these disasters were entirely our fault.  We made mistakes, and they cost us dearly.  And for a perfectionist like myself, the idea that some mistakes can never be remedied, that sometimes doors are closed forever and no amount of determination and hard work can open them again, is just shy of maddening.

So I’m dealing with my frustration in what I hope is a positive way, by fixing the things that can be fixed.  Squeaky hinges have been oiled.  Lost buttons have been replaced.  And now I’m moving on to bigger challenges.  That’s where you come in.  I’ve found, to my great astonishment, that there are people who read this blog.  People who aren’t related to me.  People from all around the world.  Setting aside my shock for a moment, imagine what we could accomplish with our combined resources.   Well, you don’t technically have to imagine.  If you’ll look at the title again, you’ll see that it’s mandatory. Congratulations.  You’re my minion now.  But don’t worry.  I’ve only chosen three targets, and I took care of the third already.  The other two should be a snap.